I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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