So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
