i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Bring me that man meat
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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