Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Randomize
