The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
