how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
