I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
