i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize