Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
