Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
