So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
Randomize