Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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