I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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