someone get that fucking seahorse.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
