Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
