is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
