So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
