Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Randomize
