just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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