Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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