no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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