Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize