I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
