I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
