dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
