Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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