I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
