No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
