Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
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