life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
