Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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