i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Randomize
