We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
