Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
