i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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