She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
