Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
