did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Randomize
