i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Randomize
