his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
third nipple confirmed
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
