dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
