it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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