its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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