You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
