So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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