I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
I need water and some morals
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize