dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I just gargled with NyQuil
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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