I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
