Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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