My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
