why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
And then he peed in my hair
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