O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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