you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
