No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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