you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
