I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
