I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
