Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
as a side note pls kill me
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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