Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
