My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
