So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
he told me I talked like a deaf person
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
