Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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