Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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