The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Your penis caused this!
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