Tell her she can't have a vagina
i barfeds in our rink
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Randomize
