Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
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