dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
is that a dick in a sweater?
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
