i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
