His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
