A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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