Im at strip club and am horny
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
