I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
