I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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