I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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