I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
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