there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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