why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
