I feel like I'm in dance class right now
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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