I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
