he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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