Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
