I want to stick my p in your. b.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
