i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
