I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
At least life still wants to fuck me.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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