Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
