Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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