I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Randomize
