Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
