Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
