so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
