How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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