yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
