Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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