am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize