the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
