My first STD was from a foam party
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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