drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
